LAJ ARTICLES

Startups are fucking up my subway

subway adam townsend1 86

Startups. Y’all fucking up my subways.
(an excerpt from the ground breaking book ‘What the Heck is Going On Here‘ A thrilling story of an older man living in New York City. A veteran from World War 2. A story with love, a new romance, heartbreak, then love again, then a terrible accident in the woods and then love again. A skydive, a found pocketwatch, a trip to Venice and a martian.
A snippet from Chapter 4 subsection 3(d) ‘Whats up with all your blooey posters all over the subways and stations’
Every month y’all gotta different bippity bop startup that steals my subway movement.
Y’all the old people at a Broadway show that wait til the 2nd half to pry open their plastic wrapped tuna sandwich and ziplocked Life Saver candies.
Dammit. I know you wanna advertise where the captives are, but I suspect something wicked, like the Manchurian Candidate. As a citizen of the U.S of A, I am concerned. 
How do I know you won’t program me for something evil?
As you know, when the subway announcement (6 train, Grand Central Station. Novemeber third 2015, 3:14pm) came on that I should ‘see something, say something’, I filled out a complete report against y’all. Y’all are suspicious.
Whatever happened to all the posters for ‘slip and fall’ lawyers? Now that was  good and timely. If the subway knocks me, if I lose a limb, I’m not leaving that subway car without first calling that number and downloading their app.
Stop right now. I don’t care if you have to interrupt the Illuminati luncheon, just do it. Or, I will call the police. Again.
You have two weeks and my clock is ticking. Download that app

Leave a Reply