LAJ ARTICLES

Unicorns

Chimera 18

For the second time in human history, unicorns are becoming extinct.
Unicorn shit is about to hit the fan at the end of a wind tunnel.
If we can’t agree that the biggest economy wide short squeeze in history is closing out its positions, then lets reconvene in a few months. Our arguments will be tilted in one direction or the other.
There will be investor blood. On one side of the table will be the turns of retail investors (sympathetic figures in a mediation panels) and institutional investors (formidable adversaries) with the paper trails that prove their case – and on the opposing side will be banking shops and VC firms. Where there is blood, lawsuits, discovery and headlines there is politicians, new legislation. And so on…
The cure is available but only in small rations:
Unicorns with the most durable currency make buyouts of public companies, lead the consolidation, take out capacity and optimize the company to synthesize massive amounts of accretive acquisitions.
They must stuff themselves with top line that can be levered and bottom line that can service debt. Those without top or bottom die.
Some example of this might be the only way that Zenefits can survive. Raise just  a few more dollars and buy Insperity. I am going to waive the algebra and just say the result, it can and might happen. It satisfies shareholders holding the buy and sell tickets.
Best of all, I will get a few years of reprieve from hearing the pitch that begins “we are the (fill in name of idealized unicorn) of the (fill in name of admirable old line service business)

I’ll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests – we did.
But you can’t hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg – isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America – Animal House

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