If you ask abortion providers about “the pill” they can tell you all about it. But, what happens in the moment someone regrets taking the abortion pill and doesn’t want to take the four pills set to be taken 24-48 hours later? These same medical professionals give you either no answer at all, or, they provide inaccurate advice regarding “unfounded abortion reversal treatments that they DON’T offer.” To make matters worse, they commonly instill fear of pregnancy complications due to trying to save it. All of which is not true.

What is the abortion pill and what does it do? Misoprostol is a pill used to block an embryo from the necessary progesterone of the mother needed to survive in the womb. The second dose of four pills is meant to soften the cervix and flush the baby out. Do you know what abortion reversal is and what it entails? Well, it’s A simple progesterone prescription that counteracts the pill, by flooding the system with the hormone. This allows the baby to survive. There are no known effects that progesterone causes, since it’s a natural hormone a woman’s body produces anyway. The trick to it is all timing, because if the baby goes too long without progesterone, it doesn’t survive. 

What changed my life

My fascination with this subject started by personal interest. I was in an abusive relationship. After miscarrying, and planning a wedding, and messy break ups 12 times during the year, I became pregnant again. My ex was a textbook narcissist from a broken home himself. You know the type, the typical 50 year old, LA peter Pan syndrome. But needless to say the hopeless romantic, gullible, little miracle worker and empath in me, of course, drank the kool aid and blindly planned happily ever after.

Of course though, when responsibility and action came to play, he took off to vegas with me sick in the hospital, to party with his emotionally handicapped, enabling sister. They returned, both pressuring abortion, with no regard to how I felt or what I had just gone through, implying that I would be a single mother and wouldn’t be fit, and that I should just leave our home all together and just “go away.”

They said things like “get the procedure” or discussed my finances and why would I want a child in a broken home? Like it was as easy as removing a skin tag. It was my baby they were talking about “getting rid of.” I couldn’t believe this was the man who planned a wedding and was looking at houses by the shore weeks before then. It felt like painful entrapment, avoidance of responsibility and unceasing bullying pressure.

With the new rollercoaster of pregnancy hormones, my “decision making” wasn’t at it’s finest. I felt weak and alone and persuadable. when I needed love, support and guidance the most I felt the opposite.

I was pressured

While I was in my care at UCLA medical center, I was pressured on the spot to take the pill. The doctor told me I wouldn’t want that kind of baggage with a physically and emotionally abusive man like that, and that the baby was no bigger than the tip of my pinkie finger. I found myself alone with the dr, in a cold room being told to take the abortion pill on the spot. I had no time to think it through beyond emotions and persuasion. 

When I returned home, sobbing so hard I fell down to my knees, in my closet, I felt nothing but regret. With a tear streaked face and immense guilt,  my christian beliefs and family desires/intentions I had all along-resurfaced. I knew I had allowed people to shove me into making the biggest mistake of my life.

I began frantically searching the internet for answers of what would happen if I didnt take the rest of the pills, and the survival rate, etc, During this quest, I stumbled across abortion reversal and progesterone. Hopeful of a chance of my baby’s survival, I called UCLA and asked if they offered that and voiced my concern with urgency. They told me my baby was already dead or dying, and that I should finish out the pills. But I just couldn’t, I felt I was killing a part of myself and that it was the wrong decision, even if no one else loved or wanted this baby, I knew I did.

Faith over fear

I could not take that for a resolute answer and my online persistence led me to www.abortionreversal.com. I was matched with a nurse and they got back to me with a Dr. in my area that provided progesterone. It was a scary process to go through alone not knowing if my baby was alive or nearing death inside of me or if this “unfounded” survival treatment would work, or who this new doctor even was.

Fear was an absolute understatement, but my convicted faith and desire to keep my baby against all odds created the super hero strength you often hear about. You know, the kind mothers lift cars to save their child over or defy physics and odds for love and pure mothering instincts.

I made it into the jolly Irishman’s office; Dr. Baggot, in Korea town. I was alone and scared at 78 hours post abortion pill (exceeded the 72 hours recommended of when it would work most effectively) . He was a kind, well educated Catholic man of great character and mass expertise and an even more massive heart for saving babies. 

Finding my strength

My abusive ex came back and forth playing family man and then abandoner, making the progression from emotional and verbal abuse to physical. Even throwing water on me in bed, hitting with a pillow and leaving bruises on me while hugging him together in bed. All of which were “my fault,” of course.

He even gave notice where we lived, with no regard to where I would go in thirty days or help moving me. He left owing me thousands, let alone giving any help financially. I had no nursery prepared at seven months pregnant for this baby who somehow survived everything we both went through.

I wanted so badly for him to love me enough to be sorry, get help and be there for us when I needed him the most. Instead of saying he would “circle back when the time was right after I was done breastfeeding.”

Keeping this baby who I found was a girl, became my life’s new purpose. Raising awareness on abortion reversal, progesterone treatments and knowledge of it’s success weighed a higher importance on my life than even when I was on the finale of American Idol.

I knew I would protect her, love her and someday share the story of my love for her and her survival against all that we went through. After all, here I was 9 months later, and a walking testimony to progesterone working.    

The ambition to raise awareness

After this miracle child through the grace of great care and faith, It led me to want to research this concept even more.

I decided to even go undercover reporter style, to a planned parenthood, I secretly recording my experience with the nurse. I asked if I had taken the pill and wanted to reverse it, could I? Did they offer progesterone treatments? Etc. the response I got was “No, there is no such thing as abortion reversal, and there are major health complications and deformities and risks associated. They didn’t offer that, and they would suggest a surgical abortion just to be certain the baby was dead.”

Answers and resources like that response and my care at a major hospital in LA, paired with the on the spot pressure of the pill, made me think of how many women have taken the pill, had regrets and were given no more resources to be able to save their babies? 

The beginning of my documentary

I started to document my pregnancy journey from the special vitamins my Dr. prescribed, to my appointments, growth, struggles through the pregnancy alone, overcoming the abuse and never ending harassment from my ex.

He missed the Baby shower, verbally assaulted me, missed every dr. And specialist appointment. This man, 15 years to my senior, never asked how I was or the baby. To add insult to injury and salt to my wounds, he took his new girlfriend out for all my friends to see in various la lounges. I hoped because of his lack of caring, our array of breakups and abandonment, that he wasn’t the father.

I felt this story, was a story of resilience, with personal insight, and somehow, could provide more exposure and education of progesterone and abortion reversal. Maybe it would give more women strength and options if they ever were in a similar position.

Existing resources

Upon researched articles online, planned parenthood claimed they didnt endorse abortion reversal because “95% of women reported no regret,” they also compared abortion to a knee surgery or etc!

I think, just like divorce or miscarriage, people often justify what happened to lessen the guilt or sadness from situations like that, with statements such as “It wasn’t meant to be.” I’m sure some abortions were unwanted and not regretted but, I find it hard to believe that almost ALL were.

From personal experience, with the responses, lack of resources, pressure on the spot to have it, and lack of educational resources to save it, it’s hard to believe I could be only in the 5 percentile of women who regretted their decision. 

Other articles quoted studies of 6 women. 3 given  progesterone and three given placebos. In three cases, the children were lost, claiming bleeding (which of course happens with the aborton pill and child loss.) What was interesting is that two of those were given the placebo! Also, some of the other six reportedly “dropped out of the experiment.” So how can we even reference this study?

Why the Miseducation and hushed awareness?

Because of studies like the one mentioned above, people pushed to not use progesterone or support any more studies on it. It swept the entire abortion reversal concept under the rug from skewed trial results being manipulated in the wrong hands of reporters with bad agendas. Thus, forcing pro life doctors that believed in the success of progesterone, to operate out of the limelight to avoid scrutiny. Most of these practitioners providing abortion reversal, were viewed like back office holistic specialists, or frowned upon, which truly wasn’t correct or ethical.

Other articles unfoundedly questioned it working at all, or falsely claimed risks and health problems resulting from the “interaction of the pill and progesterone,” which like discussed before, is improbable considering progesterone is a hormone naturally created in a woman’s body. Progesterone is ironically enough given to people going through in vitro to sustain viable pregnancies, as well as women at risk for pre term delivery. So, how could it be posed as risky and harmful?

I tried reaching out to women personally asking if they or someone they knew was pressured into taking the abortion pill and regretted their decision. Or if they even knew about abortion reversal. With no responses, it made me think women are forced to hide this shamefully. Which, further propagates the under exposed option of reversing abortion and saving the baby. 

Maybe there are more women like me?

With all of the recent publicity on women’s rights, I believe this should be publicized as well. Perhaps my personal story and now freelance writing opportunity with this publication has happened for a very big reason. I decided to name my daughter Gia, which means “God is gracious.” I plan to continue filming through and beyond birth and hope to have the documentary available to the public through Netflix.

If you have a personal story related to this or would like to be a part of the documentary please contact me. If it is our right to the choice of keeping or aborting a baby, it should be equally our right to have the education and medical support to save a baby as well.